Perseverance. And this Business is Shit Sometimes.
It’s been a bit of a tough week, and I only admit that because I feel like a blog is only as interesting as it’s honesty. But I am always aware that my problems, worries, insecurities are measly compared to what some people deal with on a daily basis-hunger, diseases, destruction.
I just wanted to add that little caveat. I, by no means, think my problems are huge, and thank goodness that they’re not life-threatening! The most I need to do to handle this career is just persevere. But sometimes, even simply persevering feels like trudging through quick sand.
I auditioned for a role that I was, well, perfect for. This does not happen often. Roles that you feel through and through, right away, are rare. You look like the character, talk like the character, understand the character at an emotional level. This character sang and played the guitar too…Um. I blew the audition out of the water. I jammed with the director afterwards, it was freaking perfect. But ya know what? Despite the producer being on my side, the other actor that’s already cast being on my side, and the director liking me…they are still looking to secure a “star” name to cast in the role. Offers have already been made to known actresses. Sometimes I am very frustrated with how this business works. On one hand, I think, if you want a star name, don’t give someone like me the chance to blow the audition out of the water only to tell me I’m not well known enough! On the other hand, from a producing standpoint, sure, stars bring in money AND have proved time and again that they show up and do good work. But I showed up! I did good work. It hurts to the point of laughing. Listen, this is one of the shitty things about the business. You can do your best work, and someone who doesn’t even audition, who plays “aloof”, who can bring in a lot of money, gets the role instead of you.
In another instance, a role that I really wanted, had a good audition for, but was not perfect for, I lost. That’s fine. Months go by. I like the film so much, I am offering to be on the production side of the film, or play a three-liner role. I want to be involved and play an important part in making the film get made. But I hear nothing from the director about any of that. But hey, then I got a call about how many awesome “star” names the director was able to cast, and how great the shoot is going and “hey, can you be an extra tomorrow and bring some friends? It doesn’t pay anything but it would be a great help.”
Listen, I’m not knocking extra work. I have been background on DAYS OF OUR LIVES for almost 2 years and I have loved it. But the longer you’re in this business, the more you start being acquainted with what it feels like to be misused or your resources taken advantage of.
Ahhh, it’s all good. It really is. But the moments when all of those things collide feels like darkness. So what do you do? I cried a bit, got angry, wrote in my journal, wrote a song. And then I went to an audition for a character with an opioid addiction. (WHATTT?) This business is nuts. I got a callback.
Persevere, friends. It’s all a risk. It’s all vulnerable stuff. But keep going. You’re just adding interesting and meaningful chapters to your life story.